Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Point of No Return Rule

Yesterday I thought a nice bowl of cereal would be tasty, and when I reached for the box and took a look inside I was surprised to find that there was roughly 3 tablespoons of Multi Grain Cheerios left. Ok. I really don’t need to be eating cereal anyway.

Then this morning I reached for a carton of milk, or what I assumed was a carton of milk. And guess what? There was an empty carton of milk. Well… ok, it wasn’t exactly empty it had at least a fourth cup of milk inside. (I guess cereal really isn’t in the cards for me this week.)

And then to add insult to injury (while the refrigerator door was still open) I reached for my box of See’s Candy (which was unusually light) and much to my shock and dismay it was full of paper and no chocolate!  (And no- I wasn’t going to eat candy for breakfast.  The box was just placed in a weird position in the shelves.)

So where am I going with this whine? Well, quite simply while I do appreciate the considerate thought to share with others, there comes a time in the amount of a consumable item that is (quite frankly) “the point of no return.”

Why don’t people understand this?  Is it the need to not feel like one ate it all or an attempt to be polite?  Why not just use the last of a food or drink up, just call it like it is, and confess  “Hey I drank the last of the ice tea”?  I feel that placing an item back with an amount that is not useful and no good to anyone is rude.  Not polite at all. This action breaks the “point of no return rule” and sets up an individual for an enormous let down. 

First there is the anticipation…“I’m in the mood for chocolate ice cream. Hope there is some left. “  Then there is a build up… “Oh good. The container is here.”  And then the let down… “Who put this back with nothing really in it? Damn you whoever you are!”…

After giving this some thought it dawned on me that perhaps it wasn’t that my family was being polite (though a mother would like to think so).  And it wasn’t that they were breaking the  “point of no return rule” (because I just thought it up and haven’t announced it yet).  It was that my family was actually trying to set each other up for a disappointment.  It was a game.  Oh, I get it.  (We are a playful lot.)   It is definitely a  game.  Well… I like games ...

I watch out of the corner of my eye, quietly washing the dishes at the sink. Waiting.
My husband approaches the refrigerator.  I watch and wait. He reaches for the container holding the left over pasta.  He opens the container, and then… “Hey, who ate the last of the pasta and left four noodles?”   I innocently reply, ‘I don’t know.”
He leaves the kitchen disgruntled.  “Ha. I WIN!”  

Monday, June 14, 2010

Shit My Kids Ruined

A while back a friend (Carl S.) sent me a
link to a website and recommended that
perhaps I use the website's theme
for my blog. When I went online my
mouth dropped open, and I was
amazed at the photo's that parents posted
on that site. Some made me laugh so hard
I cried. Boy, did it bring back memories.
I'd like to share some...

If you have children you know nothing is safe. Nothing.
Of course this situation begins as soon as your sweet child becomes
mobile. The minute that kid starts to walk and grab - your things are
not safe. For example - If you visit our home the first thing you will notice
is that there are no lamps. Every lighting fixture in our home is mounted on
the ceiling. Why you ask? Because our youngest broke every single lamp
in our household. Naturally it wasn't just lamps, but the poor lamps took the
brunt of the destruction. After reviewing our household budget we realized
that we really could not afford to subsidize the destruction, and so my
husband and I decided that the best defense was an offense, and so our
lighting was moved up and out of the way.

Then there was the time the my youngest and my middle child decided that
painting was a great form of expression. I went out in the yard to find two naked
kids running around covered in paint, as well as the play structure, house, patio furniture, tree, dog... (You get the idea.)

Ok. So we all know small kids can ruin stuff.
We all know that the younger crowd can reek havoc, but how about older kids? Does the destruction magically stop? Is it just a phase?
Do they hit ten years of age and stop? Nope. They just get sneakier about it.

Just this weekend I was dusting my home when I lifted a cute little
statue and the head dropped off. Now, how in the heck did that happen?
When? And who the heck was responsible? Now, don't get me wrong.
I can be very accepting of accidents, but to break something and not
say a word? Who raised these kids? Is it just too much to ask your
children to just come up and say "Sorry, I broke it?" (Apparently it is.)

And it is these little things (the not being told when things break) that
start to get my mommy blood boiling. "Who put a hole in the wall?"
No answer. How did door frame break off the wall? Blank Stare.
"Why is the vase cracked and leaking water on the floor? Watching
TV ignore mode. (Grrrrrr!)

My parents had it right.

When I was growing up we had furniture (just not as fancy as some
of our friends). I had a theory that my parents had bad taste. But then
when my brother, sister and I went off to college we returned to find the
house transformed. Walls painted, new floors, stylish furniture, beautiful
accessories. Then it hit me. My parents did not have bad taste.
My parents had kids!

I guess that no amount of "whining" will change the fact that in life
things break, or get a lot of help from your children. Either way when you
look at this website Carl found, you will most likely smile and think how
fortunate you where that no one in your house did some of the stuff you will
see. I know I am.